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We've been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered several challenges, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she's often blindsided in relationships. Her husband left her, and it was an unexpected event. A lot of her social circle vanished then, because they seemed only interested in her husband. She was stunned by her. She put in more effort in our friendship, probably grasped more acutely the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Over the years, quite a few in her circle have disappeared and she isn't certain of the reason. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, even though she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened not understanding why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we have each retired and are seeing frequent meetups, however, I feel my position in our friendship feels one-sided. I introduce subjects but she shifts them to her own topics. Politically, she holds strong opinions. My effort is to propose factchecking and different perspectives.

She is organizing a holiday to a country I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in previously. I tried to share insights, yet it was met with resistance. She essentially only wanted my agreement with her choices. I recently come back from 30 days in that place she is eager to meet, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, but I don't think she can grasp the effect of her actions on how I feel about myself. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

One option is to end things abruptly, however, that approach is rarely a smooth outcome that we desire. But confrontation with a view to a solution takes courage and willingness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one is to state how things go during your discussions. It should be as factual as possible and basically what a recording device would replay. Next is to express her how it makes you feel. There should be no disagreement here. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. Finally is to question how you are both can shift the dynamics in your relationship."

Keep in mind your friend has a point of view, so you need to remain ready to acknowledge it. One effective method is telling her:

"Now you talk while I will listen without interrupting for half an hour."

This can be successful for promoting understanding.

Key Takeaways

Your friend may dismiss all you say, as some people cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative about themselves they're unable to abandon as it feels essential is tied to it being the only thing they trust. This is difficult as there is no easy route with these people, mere obstacles. But she may initially present defensively then consider on your words. And should a resolution isn't found an agreement, you'll have peace from having been open and direct.