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This year signifies a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a partner without a word seemed like the peak of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, finding a partner has only become more perplexing – an frequently unsuccessful exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Zoomers, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your sanity.

Below is a extensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to discuss love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – According to gen Z, dating’s ideal is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s response is engaged or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people form a link while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to pairs who choose against parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal traits indicating a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions affirm your choice to pursue a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, largely benign quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An ideal touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any feelings of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {